Date a harelip? Cont’d.

Harelip, cleft lip? What’s in a word?

Using the word harelip in these times is a bit like using the N-word or other slang words for minorities. It’s offensive to cleft-affected people and an indication of ignorance about the birth defect commonly known as a “cleft lip.”  Actually, doctors and scientists often use the medical term, cheiloschisis. See other technical terms for clefts and their repair.

Wendy Harmer,Aussie comedienne, with repair clefts

Wendy Harmer, Comedienne w cleft lip

I’ll continue now with more responses to an Asker’s question on Ask Yahoo, “Would you date a harelip?” Go to my earlier blog to see the original question and some of the first responses.

Can you not have this surgically fixed? It happens to quite a few people and they can do something for that. But yes I would date a guy with that if I liked him and felt attraction, as I would with any other guy.You should check out if you can have that improved on. There is no reason why you should have to put up with that if something can be done.Joaquin Phoenix was born with a cleft lip and palate and you will notice the scar where he had it surgically fixed.

You bet……You sound like a great guy and it is so sad to have low self esteem. Stop doing that to yourself. You go out and ask some girls out and if they don’t go, don’t worry, ask another and so on until you find someone who is worthy of you. You know it is not what you see on the outside, it is what is on the inside. Personally, I care more about how a person is than how he looks and most women would love to have someone care and I think you would do that. Hang in there and look at yourself everyday in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a great person because you are. WE DON’T KNOW, BUT CAN HOPE.  I would not worry about the cleft lip and palate, but if it bothers you that much, why don’t you talk to a Dr. about surgery. I don’t think you would need it except you need to have confidence in yourself..Good luck with the girls. I really wish you the very best. Have a very Merry Christmas……

If you have a great personality then that is all you need. I have met guys who I didn’t think looked that great but after getting to know him and finding out what he was like on the inside I found that I had a huge crush on that person. but you need to be More confident, if you are not confident then that makes you unapproachable. BTW you do know that this problem is something that is repaired all the time, if it bothers you that much you should check into it.

Hey,get a grip—just be yourself and be nice–women love that.A real nice woman will see past all the so called flaws. What about women with flaws–true love will have you see past them too. Get out there and start trying. No woman who is shallow is worth being with anyway—just keep at it. Bald guys do alright–fat guys too. Short guys and little weenies do good too. A cleft palate is no big deal.Have fun and good hunting

If you are asking if I would date someone with a cleft lip or palate- certainly I would, if I liked the guy and was interested in him. Many people see past those types of problems. My husband is in a wheelchair, and I would date him again and again. Try working on your self confidence. there are many resources out there- wether it be support groups, self help books, psychology, something… dont let low self image keep you from having the life you want.
cleft lips arn’t that bad. you got jaquin pheonix going for you. I know a guy from highschool got a real cute girl. so hot, so so hot. and his whole mouth was turned side ways. so just ignore it. youre fine. women dont care about that stuff anyway (so they say.)

Michael H
Then it isn’t that bad. Some people have it worse then you, and the cleft lip is something that makes you you. One of the biggest things in life is learning to be confident in yourself; the quicker you learn that, the better off your going to be. Go get ’em tiger! Hahaha…

person ?
there’s a woman out there for every man

Can all this harelip Q&A be legit, esp the Q?

As I did with the “Harelip Blues” song lyrics question, I submitted the online “Date a harelip” topic to Snopes, an internet site that sorts the wheat from the chaf. I had my suspicions about the validity or authenticity of the Ask Yahoo (now called the New Ask Yahoo!) topic. Snopes came back with “Sorry, no matches were found containing “Date a Harelip.'”

Still, I had doubts about the authenticity of the asker of the Yahoo question. I’ll respond in red to his boldfaced statements which can be seen in context here.

Update : I’ve had seven surgeries. I was born with the less severe cleft lip called a lateralA”less severe” cleft lip would not likely need seven surgeries.
There is no such deformity as a “lateral,” unless the Asker is from a non-Western country. Bilateral or unilateral, yes; but not “lateral.” I refreshed my recollection on term by visiting the Wiki cleft lip and palate entry.

Update 2: I live in Chicago, and have had braces twice! Unless wealthy, most people can only afford braces once. Sometimes well-off people have braces when very young in the hope of catching problems before they develop.

Update 3: I was physically and mentally abused  in grammar school and high school, Am assuming he was bullied. Why doesn’t he use that term?  in grammar school and high school, and was a cutter in my teenage years. This is likely due to more serious abuse. Often associated with sexual  abuse of young females.  

My conclusion: the Asker may’ve been shining on a lot of people and several Responders fell for the ruse. But, that being said, some useful ideas were shared along the way.

Harelips and common sense.

To add insult to injury, someone reactivated this thread three years ago, by asking,

I have a cleft lip scar what will help it disappear?
my friend said there are creams any suggestions

Best Answer chosen by Asker:

peachez64 answered
hmmm just go to a laser scar removal place..they laser scars. But not deep cleft ones that penetrate 1/16″ or 1/8″ deep.


My conclusion re this last exchange is a question: do robots moderate these Q&A sessions and let nonsense through?


To learn about CLEFT HEART: Chasing Normal, click the Amazon or Barnes & Noble buttons in the margins. Or click the image of the book cover. My coming-of-age memoir has intertwining love stories, mystery, tragedy, and triumph.


  1. Wendy Myrhh says:

    It has definitely interfered with dating for me. I gave up and became celibate in 2010. ?

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