Bullied young Girl becomes a Model and Learns about Looksism

“I didn’t technically start being bullied until my super awkward high school years where I all of a sudden found myself at 5’9″ and 89 pounds.  …  I was a late bloomer.  Didn’t really start looking like a model until after college.  So it’s been a rather jarring experience having people see and treat me the way they suddenly do now….[T]he world is a super shallow place, yes, but it’s pointless to take their snap judgements too seriously because no one deserves to be treated differently based solely on their appearance….”

“The perks of being good looking: People offer me a lot more freebies,  I make money off of my looks through modeling, strangers talk to me more often, more people listen to me and laugh at my jokes, and I even have the occasional suitor…all good things.

On the other hand: Would-be catcallers will sometimes skip the compliments and just call me a bitch as I walk by, some women (although very few) are very catty to me from the get-go, and many people are shocked to find out that I’m anything other than an airhead…that I was a comp. sci. major and that I program iOS apps, for example.  Sometimes it all makes me very, very angry.  Sometimes even a complimentary cat-call can make my blood boil.  Sometimes I feel as if I have to prove myself now just as I felt I had to prove myself then.  Can’t catch a break, I guess.”

Do you now take advantage of your looks?

“I clearly take advantage of my looks.  I’m a model for pete’s sake…  And in general, having beauty and intelligence is super useful during occasions that require me to assert a bit more authority.  When I need to feel most powerful, I’ll do my hair, throw on a nice outfit, put on a bit of makeup and it helps a disgusting amount.  In general, I feel extremely lucky to have been granted this new super-power.  But when I’m home and completely myself, when my hair is a mess, when I’m wearing my now broken glasses with the tape in the middle, and I’m up coding at 3 AM, I could give my middle-school self a major run for her money.  I have to wonder, why didn’t they like me then when I’m still the same person now?  Why do they like me now?  How do I know that they like me now?  Does anyone actually really even like me now?

Some things don’t leave you.”