Bullies find unintended consequences of their acts.
Alex grinned and laughed as he worked the room earlier this month at Edmond Memorial High School. He traded wisecracks with his buddy Chris, who described him as “a great, fun kid.” He visited with his friends Monica, Grayson, Dakota, Kye, Melinda and Sabrina. He greeted Mr. White, one of his favorite teachers, and talked about how he’s doing in health class.
It’s hard to believe that this exuberant ninth-grader used to be the trembling, lonely victim at the center of the recent documentary “Bully.”
More on bullying: Share your video messages about bullying, plus find resources about bullying and see our full series on the topic.
The movie evoked cringes around the country by documenting Alex’s torment as a sixth-grader in northwest Iowa. Sioux City bullies called him “fishface.” They threatened to break his bones, sexually assault him and kill him. As the cameras rolled, they punched him, choked him and slammed his face into a bus seat. School administrators failed to grasp the severity of the situation.
Alex’s parents were shocked when the filmmakers showed them the video, and they were unsatisfied with school leaders’ response. The district moved Alex to another school, but the Libbys saw little conviction to fight the problem.
That’s why they moved their seven-member family to Oklahoma last November. The decision severed their Iowa roots, and it drained their finances, but it helped their son find a happier life.
He speaks up now.
Alex’s transfer to a new school and his experience as a spokesman for bullied children have transformed him. A few years ago, he rarely spoke more than a few words to anyone, including his parents. He now routinely stands in front of crowds and touts his cause. He’s been interviewed on national television, visited the White House and greeted countless fans. “It’s definitely made me a hugger,” he joked.
His new skills were on display one morning this month, when Alex, his mother and two of his four younger siblings attended an anti-bullying rally with two other families who were featured in the movie. Several hundred teens gathered in the state Capitol in Oklahoma City, and many recognized Alex. They surrounded him, took his picture and asked him to autograph their shirts.
A beauty pageant queen, clad in a sash, tiara and tight white dress, introduced herself to Alex shortly before the rally. His mother, Jackie Libby, stood several yards away, rolling her eyes as he chatted up the glamorous young woman. Jackie Libby noted that two other beauty pageant winners recently offered to take Alex to prom. “I’m like, ‘Come on, he’s not even going to prom — he’s a freshman,’ ” she recalled, chuckling.
The burst of attention on Alex probably will dim, and some of the adulation may be fleeting, but his mother is grateful for all of it. “You know what? He’s earned the right to have people be nice to him,” she said.
He craved friends.
Alex has always faced hurdles. He was born three months early, weighing just 1 pound and 11 ounces. A doctor told his parents he might not survive a day. During the four months he spent in the hospital, his nose was permanently flattened by tape that nurses used to hold an oxygen tube in place, his mother said. The tube helped keep him alive as a baby, but the distortion it left on his face marked him for ostracism and abuse in middle school.
Jackie also believes the premature birth contributed to his Asperger’s syndrome, which is a mild version of autism, and attention deficit disorder. Those conditions make it hard for people to relate socially to others and to concentrate in class.
Alex spent years in therapy for apparent depression, but he never told anyone that his dark moods were largely due to bullying. He says now that he didn’t want to upset his parents, who had bought their Sioux City house because it was in the same school district his mother had attended and enjoyed.
Some of the kids who bullied him, or who watched and laughed, had played with him in the past.
“Most of the kids on that bus, I knew from elementary school, and we were good friends then,” he said. “But then in middle school, everything changes, and it’s all about popularity and who dresses the best and who’s the most athletic and who has the best hair. I was not the kid with the best hair.”
Alex said he feared that reporting the bullies would make him even less popular.
“I craved friends,” he said. “I didn’t have any friends. That was all I wanted, some friendship, someone to come over, someone to lift me back up when I’m knocked down. I didn’t have that.”
His family wonders how bad Alex’s abuse might have become if fate hadn’t arrived three years ago in the form of a sympathetic stranger. Lee Hirsch, the film’s director, was starting work on the project when he noticed the sixth-grader sitting alone at middle-school orientation. Hirsch sat down, explained why he was at the school and asked if Alex had ever been bullied. Alex said he had, and then poured out his story. He and his parents agreed to participate in the film, which they thought might be shown on local public TV. They never figured it would become a national sensation.
“It’s amazing how things work out sometimes,” Jackie said.
Edmond not perfect
Many of Alex’s new Oklahoma friends watched the movie, and they saw familiar scenes. Edmond Memorial is viewed as a good school, but it has its share of trouble. Fellow freshman Monica Anderson said she cried as she watched what Alex had suffered. She said classmates increasingly are willing to speak out against bullying, but kids can still face ridicule if they fail to conform.
Monica bristles at such pressure. “God didn’t intend for all of us to be the same,” she said.
Carrie Higdon, an assistant principal who runs the school’s freshman wing, said staff members undergo annual training about bullying. They take the problem seriously, she said, but they know it continues to happen.
“I never want it to come across that at Edmond Memorial High School we are perfect and that’s why Alex Libby had a great experience here,” she said. “We need to never turn a blind eye to it and say, ‘It doesn’t happen at my school.’ ”
Higdon noted that bullying is more than one kid criticizing or shoving another. Bullying is the repeated targeting of a child or group of children for such treatment. She stressed that students and parents need to report bullying, because teachers often are unaware. In most cases, she said, bullies change their ways after they are brought before administrators, told what they’re doing is wrong and warned that they will face consequences for it.
Adults asked to help
Jackie Libby, 35, said she encountered several excellent staff members in the Sioux City schools, but none of them was in a position to force changes. Administrators there could ease the problems if they really wanted to, she said. “There has to be enough people willing to stand up and say, ‘We are no longer willing to tolerate this.’”
Jackie Libby recalled being on a short leash in school. “My mom convinced me that everyone I saw, from the time I left my home until the time I returned to it, had my mother’s phone number — and if I acted out of line, she was going to get a call, and that was going to be the end of me.”
Teachers these days seem more hesitant to call parents to report misbehavior, she said. That’s probably partly because they fear being accused of overreacting, and partly because they’re busy pushing kids to perform well on academic tests.
“We’ve forgotten that it’s also our job with children to teach them how to be good people,” she said.
Jackie Libby said she and her husband, Philip, now seek details about their kids’ lives. “There was a time when if I asked, ‘How was your day?,’ you could say, ‘Fine.’ And I could ask, ‘What happened today?’ And you could say, ‘Nothing.’ Those are no longer acceptable answers around our dinner table.”
Film ‘a hell of a gift. ‘
Alex has taken steps to fit in. He fixes his hair carefully and wears clothes and glasses he thinks are stylish. He doesn’t let his mouth hang open like it used to, and has tried to curb an odd laugh.
Alex knows that his family’s finances have slumped since the family moved from Iowa. His parents chose Edmond for the quality of its schools, but the Oklahoma City suburb is relatively expensive. The Libbys are renting a smaller house than they owned in Sioux City, which means that Alex must share a bedroom with his two little brothers, Ethan, 6, and Logan, 5. Both parents have been unemployed. Philip Libby recently found a carpentry position, but Jackie Libby lost her warehouse job after taking numerous days off to travel with Alex to anti-bullying appearances.
Supporters tell her she and her family don’t have to attend so many rallies; they don’t have to grant so many interviews; they don’t have to counsel so many strangers.
Jackie Libby supposes that’s true, but then she thinks about what might have happened to Alex if the moviemakers hadn’t spotlighted his plight.
“We got a hell of a gift,” she said.
She noted that a national group has counted nearly 2,000 suicides of bullied children.
“That’s 2,000 families that have lost their children, and they’re never going to get them back,” she said. “We got that gift, and we’ll never be able to repay it.”
++
FOR VICTIMS: Those who feel overwhelmed by bullying can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 800-273-8255, or a more general 121help.me youth counseling hot line, 855-201-2121.
FOR PARENTS: Parents worried about children bullied in school should contact their local principal. The Iowa Department of Education (educateiowa.gov) and stopbullying.gov offer additional resources.
NATIONAL
safeyouth.gov: STRYVE (Striving to Reduce Youth Violence Everywhere), an anti-bullying effort led by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
stopbullying.gov: Resources gathered by the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services
thebullyproject.com: Site of the “Bully” documentary
Jeff says
sad not one person has taken time to respond, kudos to Alex for overcoming this sad period in life, its not easy being different. Continue to stay positive and many doors will be opened in your future.
Sarah says
Thank you for this comment! Glad to hear.
qtpie78 says
I always think of Alex and wonder how he’s been. He is my hero and has made me more conscious about bullying and making sure I constantly remind my own children about the affects of bullying and how to always treat ALL people with respect and kindness. Alex, you are my HERO!!!!
Lindsay Johnson says
I know this is hard to believe, but I happen to know Alex personally and I figured I’d take some to to tell you he is doing very well and has a music career and still does speeches at schools for bullying awareness and he has plans for other projects as well. I’m extremely grateful to know him as a person and be able to call him a friend. I hope I’ll be able to continue to in the future!
qtpie78 says
Thanks so much for the reply!? I’m so glad to hear that he’s doing great!!!! Please let him know that he has inspired, touched, and forver changed the hearts of me and my daughters. I will continue to pray for him and his success in life!!! Alex is my HERO!!
Lindsay Johnson says
It’s no problem, and I’ll definitely let him know. I’m sure he’ll be happy to know that he has inspired even a couple people with his story and speaking out about what really happens! Thank you from him and me!
Karl Schonborn says
Anti-bullying efforts ideally should start at home. You’re my hero for reminding your children often about the effects of bullying!
Scott and Vicky Halpin says
I am a Teacher from Australia. I just watched this movie and have been been more upset in my life. This story breaks my heart and my belief in people. As a teacher, I don’t tolerate bullying at all and never have and never will. I’m so angry at the teachers, educators and system there and how unattached they were to the facts of what happened. This has inspired me to make my school, my place and my own children even better so this doesn’t happen to anyone. I am so sorry ignorant people are alive to do this and I am hoping in your life, you meet people who respect you for the fighter you are. My wife commented for such a boy to be born so earl and be such a fighter, how would kids think to pick on such a fighter?
Carole says
I just watched the documentary BULLY and was appalled at Kim Lockwoods feedback with Alex’s parents when discussing the issues He was having on the bus. How dare she pull out pictures of her newborn granddaughter to show to the parents saying how upset she would be if it happened to her. And then she stated how cute the baby was!
How insensitive This administrator was. I hope she is no longer in education because she is a disgrace to the profession.
Wishing Alex and his parents well!
Alexis p says
Those were my exact thoughts after watching it yesterday.
Christine says
Just watched that same scene and share the same sentiments as you about the administrator.
Bravo to Alex for his great strength in enduring the horrific bullying. Happy to read he’s got on with his life and a successful young man surrounded by people who DO care about him.
Lynda Wilson says
In 2021, he is still making an impact. He is one very very special person. Just wish everyone had a tenth of character in them that he has. We all miss out on having a friend like Alex. Wish him happiness and joy everyday… he is my new hero!
Karl says
Thanks, Lynda. Great to have an update on Alex and learn he’s still a major force for good in the world.
Melinda A Robinson says
I would like to know what happened to the bullies?! What consequences did they face? They were filmed assaulting and threatening Alex. I can find the answer anywhere. WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE BULLIES?!
Karl says
I’ve asked myself the same question, but will try to dig into the question and get you answers. No promises, tho. As a sometime film producer myself, the next project beckons and one can’t always answer viewer/fan questions.
Nadine @ Cnscenteraz says
Bullies kept throwing an orange at me and my friends and they kept saying “could you give us back the orange please” and i was like:
“If you’re so emotionally attached to that orange, then stop throwing it.”
Nadine @ Cnscenteraz recently posted…How Can You Be of Help to Someone with a Mental Illness?
Karl says
Great story, Nadine. Thanks.
Karl says
Thanks, Nadine, for this fascinating bullying incident.
MC says
I just watched Bully and I am appalled at the school’s response and inaction in the case of Alex Libby. Are you kidding me? I am a 30 year educator and I was a vice principal for seven years. NEVER did I say, “Boys will be boys…kids will be kids…” or some of the ridiculous comments that assistant principal told the Libby parents. AND what the hell was the bus driver doing. All of those adults should be fired or indicted for their inaction. They are bystanders! She said, “I rode that route…and the kids were as good as gold.” IS SHE SERIOUS? There is video footage. Ms. Lockwood should be embarrassed at HER behavior. And where are the parents of these kids? NOT ON MY WATCH.
Karl says
Glad you posted these comments. Thank you.
Kamali Culpepper says
It’s so good to hear from you, and thank you for sharing your thoughts about the trailer. The Sonny(s) were friends and family members. AND it was definitely DIVINE how this project came together. Literally, two days before filming…the adult Sonny had not been confirmed. Neither had the role of “Constance” the grandmother. But the Good Lord brought it all together!
Yes! Despite, the difficulty we face in our neighborhood. The Lord was connected us with some great neighbors, and it’s awesome to see how everyone’s working to make a difference. Sometimes, I just wish the change would HURRY. But, I keep reminding myself that God’s timing is perfect. Kamali Culpepper
Kamali Culpepper recently posted…Revising and Marketing my Short Film: How you can too!
Karl says
Thanks for sharing, Kamali.
David Flores says
Does anyone know how Alex is doing? At least since 2019? That appears to be the last time he’s posted anything on social media.
Karl says
No word from his friend, Lindsay Johnson, since 2017, so sorry I can’t be of more help.