1. Individuals with strong elements of this condition tend to move fast and intensely in the early stages of their relationships

It can feel like you’re getting everything you ever wanted, but really the psychopath just knows all the right things to say.

2. Most spouses and mates were unaware a personality disorder was present because many with psychopathy can hide the darkest components

It is not uncommon for a woman or man involved in such a relationship to report their mate was socially attractive and fun in the beginning.

3. Society’s perception of what psychopathy is can easily cloud one’s ability to recognize that they are intimately involved in one of these relationships

Many with psychopathy are nothing like what we might imagine (i.e., the socially awkward loner, disengaged from society, plotting to do harm, emitting darkness). In actuality, they often have attractive traits that we tend to think would exclude the presence of psychopathology.

4. To understand psychopathy is to recognize that the condition is not only on a spectrum but that the symptoms include both dark (negative) and positive character elements

Some with this condition are extremely talented and have admirable accomplishments (i.e., corporation owners, politicians, law enforcement professionals, and entertainers). However, the intimate relationships of individuals with psychopathy often disintegrate due to problems associated with the functioning of their brains.

Certain antisocial behavior patterns will be demonstrated involuntarily. Their partners are often exposed to deception, aggression, arrogance, dominance, manipulation, gaslighting, and a lack of compassion or understanding.

5. Their true character is often only fully revealed after their target has bonded

For some, this can be a period of several months before these darker characteristics begin to dominate their interactions.

…Detecting personality disorders in others can be complicated. It is, of course, easier for a specialist, but for a woman or man without a background of this magnitude, making sense of what they are experiencing and observing in their partner is challenging, to say the least.

Psychopathy expert Dr. Robert Hare disclosed that spotting a psychopath is tough at times, even for him. It is much more important for an individual who finds themselves in this position to focus on how they are made to feel in the relationship, rather than labeling the symptom profile.

It is rare that a person would view someone who is confident, charming, entertaining, “speaks her mind,” and financially successful as disordered. But this is precisely the case for many with psychopathy.

Intact cognition (i.e., thinking) does not necessarily mean emotional and psychological functioning will be intact as well. Therefore, a person can be accomplished, with indicators of high intelligence, yet, demonstrate symptoms of psychopathy.

How? This is because brain regions that manage cognition are often different from the areas that regulate and generate emotions and personality.

Although psychopathy is not a disorder associated with thought, we often find that there are thought patterns and beliefs that reflect the brain’s faulty access to intact emotional regions.  For example, it is not uncommon to hear viewpoints laced with hate, anger, [and] the desire to oppress others… and an inability to relate to the reasoning of someone who relied on both emotional and cognitive processing to arrive at a decision.

Reasons you fell for a psychopath

Would you add (or subtract) any reasons why someone fell for a psychopath?

So, maybe you’d drop that they’re the the dark, brooding, lost-soul type. If so, see my blog regarding a test for Dark Triad traits.

Or, you might add that you rarely, if ever, fight and that you feel you’re both almost the same person.as Jen Waite suggests.

My latest book, PRIVILEGED KILLERS, is a true story about a half-dozen Dark Triad people in my everyday life - narcissists, manipulators, and psychopaths. Three of 'em murdered people, and one came after my wife and me. Print and e-book versions of this (and CLEFT HEART) available at Amazon and elsewhere online. Also at your local bookstore.